Holy Shit Batman!!!!
I have been in such a dark place! Thank G-d for Kat! I started a medication called Lamictil last year; around the same time I started my new job as a team lead. When I stopped walking in July of 2012, I put it down to the stress of a new job, the upcoming wedding stressors. When I couldn't jump start myself, well it's fall/winter; it is dark outside. The new year came and I still couldn't pull myself up. It turns out, Lamictil can cause extreme fatigue. I am tapering off of it at this time.
I was, and still am, discouraged by my lack of motivation and sheer will to make myself do what I needed to stay healthy. My eating habits did not deteriorate to the worst level I've ever had, but they did deteriorate. Portion control was, and continues to be, an issue. I am becoming more aware of that and am again being mindful.
I went for my first walk since July 2012 today. When I pulled out my walking clothes, I realized that it had to be last summer because I had a tank top (ok a muscle shirt) as my shirt. A little cold to walk in that today, so I will bring a warmer shirt with me tomorrow.
This may be a placebo effect, but I sure hope not. We were trying help stabilize my moods with the Lamictil. I am not bi-polar, but do have mood swings from the Energizer bunny to a sloth. I can say that the Lamictil did even out my mood, at the sloth level.
So as I come up to breath again, I am looking forward to new adventures in my life. I've let so many things slide because I am exhausted. I have to be careful and pace myself; remind myself that there will still be good days and bad days, that my my problems are not solved. But man it feels nice right now.
