My life continues to be absolutely nuts! Classes for my new job, trying to get the hang of advice nursing while trying to create a team oriented environment and making sure that I am available for the team. My family of origin is still having many issues that have been weighing heavily on my mind and heart. Not to mention the little day to day stuff that is usually easily weathered are now bigger issues because I have so many other things demanding my emotional strength.
For instance, last Saturday I took the Saturn in to have a lock mechanism replaced; should have taken 1 hour. I went for a walk and got back at an hour and a half. I was told, a bolt broke and they were having to drill it out, be another 15-20 minutes. Checked in around 15 minutes, having a difficult time getting the bolt out, then once they finish the job, the guys working on the car locked the keys in the car...yep...of course my only set are in the car. My insurance cards are in the car as well, so they couldn't give me a loaner car, so I had to wait for the tow truck to show up and pop the lock.
This is how the last 2 weeks have been. I've been depressed, weighed down, feel like I've been slogging through the deepest mud. On Friday, I started reminding myself that I am stronger than all of this crap. I don't have to react to this stuff. Thanks to my friend, Lynn, she has kept me walking at my lunch break at work. My eating habits are different w/ the new job, my caloric intake during the day has dropped drastically. It does mean that I have been eating more in the evenings, including junk. I am working on this and have continued w/ the snack bags.
One of the other things I wrestle with is keeping on some of my maintenance medications; especially my maintenance inhaler for my asthma. I have started catching myself saying, I can just miss one day, its no big deal, I don't want to deal w/ the inhaler today. Being more aware of these thoughts, I have been able to encourage myself to keep on my medications; reminding myself that my health is better because I have been compliant with my treatment plan and keeping with it is the only way I can continue to feel better and have fewer health issues.
I am stronger than all of this. Stronger than the emotional crap, stronger that the physical fatigue, stronger than my sabotaging subconscious.
I am finding ways to keep myself rejuvenated. Thanks to Kat for making the best suggestion ever, to take a drive last Saturday. She had never been down the Columbia River Gorge, so we took the scenic route up to Vista House, then down through Multnomah Falls, Horse Tail Falls, Onteana Gorge. We then drove to Hood River, cut up HWY 35 to Mt. Hood. We stopped at Timberline Lodge, which still had snow, and then drove back home. It was an amazing trip. We all had a wonderful time. I walked over 15,000 steps that day.
The weather has been aggravating my asthma. Even with that aggravation, I have managed to walk about 30-40 minutes the last couple of days. I am not walking today, I felt that I needed to take my lunch hour to blog, to get these feelings and ideas down. I will also miss my walk on Friday because of a doctor appointment. I will find other means to cope.
I have created a playlist called Pump It Up. It is music that speaks to my heart and soul. While some of it is loud, fast, and just a way to release stress through head banging, most are songs that I find give me peace. I am finding that I will sit in my car when I get to work listening to a song or two in preparation for the day ahead. I am finding time with Kat is rejuvenating as well. She and I are in a good place and I love her so much. Having her just sit with me, cuddle with me, hold my hand makes the stress of the day seem less important.
I need my me time, but am finding while my walking is uber important, I need to find time for me to do other things that help me stay focused and healthy as well. So my hope is that I will find a way to take a day off of walking during the week and be able to blog. This new job is wonderful, but I am so tired when I get home, I don't want to process or think about much besides my family and the love I have for them.
Find your strength, your saboteur and find a way to keep yourself in check. Find a way to see how strong you are and how you can rise above the crap of our lives. Take that crap and let it go, stop reacting, and start climbing. The climb will help purge all the toxic emotions and in the end, you will find that you can prevent yourself from reacting and be healthy.
No comments:
Post a Comment