Busy Day

Well my attitude of gratitude is in full gear today!  It has been a very busy day and one that I'm afraid is going to be more the common than the exception.  The work load has increased substantially and I can really feel it.  I like being busy, it keeps me engaged; comes from years in the ICU, the busier and more complicated things are, the sharper my edge and the better my work is (I feel).  We'll see how long this engagement will last.  I admit, I get bored easily.

It is a hard decision to make, do I stay where I am, stable, know I can do the job, and have what I need to give myself and my family or do I move on to something new, engaging, possibly more stressful with taking energy from me and the family.  Though, given some of the circumstances right now, I wonder how stable this job really is.  There is no guarantee that this job will be here in a year.  The job I have is project based right now and if we don't get the certification that we have been working towards, let's just say the fit will hit the sham. 

I look at the future, see what I'd like to do but get frozen by what my family and I need, which is stability.  I feel stagnant right now.  I don't want to become a drone, but I am afraid to step out the comfort zone.  Change is scary.  Luckily I have a wonderful partner who helps me analyze what I see and we make decisions together about what would be best for the family.  In a lot of ways, Kat has brought stability to my life.  I was already on the stability path, but the last 2 1/2 years with Kat have really solidified our family foundation.

With the stability I find that I am feeling up more often.   I can't say that I am soaring like was last year, but I feel good.  I am seeing the blessings in my life and though there are things in my life I wonder about, I have few regrets.  Everything I've experienced has made me who I am today.  I love who I've become.  I am strong, confident, and believe in myself and others.  I am still too trusting, but that comes from seeing the God/Goddess in everyone. 

My talents are being recognized at work.  There have been several times that I have met someone new, introduced myself and get "oh, I've heard about you".  Managers from other departments recognize my skills and abilities and talk w/ me about career development.  With the acceptance that I have energy that gets noticed whether I want it to or not, I am beginning to listen to those around me and believe that their guidance is so they can help me hone my skills. 

I am learning to not be embarrassed by the attention that I am getting; humble, yes, embarrassed, no. In someways, I feel like I am bragging, but this is a new thing for me.  I am becoming aware of some of my true potential and accepting it for the first time in my life.  In some ways it is like when I finally accepted that I am a lesbian, I kind of always knew, but wasn't ready to accept it yet; this is the same, its always been there, but I wasn't ready to move forward and accept that it is part of who I am. 

I see the blessings of a busy day and what it does for my mood and how I feel about myself at the end of the day.  It is a good thing :)