Fear of Mistakes

I'd like to start off with an update to my recent blog about supplements; be careful.  I have had an issue with excessive bruising and bleeding gums.  Kat and I are both nurses, so we started looking into this and found that Vitamin C is also used to thin the blood in people with heart problems.  Given the dose of 4000mg that my PMHNP put me on, plus I am on a baby aspirin daily, and a low dose of DHEA, I was set up to have problems with clotting.  I am going to have my blood drawn today to check my platelet level.  Meanwhile I have stopped the DHEA, Vitamin C, and Aspirin until I start clotting appropriately again. I have also stopped my weight training until this issue is resolved.

I was teaching a computer training yesterday and caught myself saying that, in my opinion, is that people are afraid of technology because they feel they will "mess up" the computer/phone/ect.  Yet, with today's technology, it is very difficult to cause what I call a data dump unless you are trying or just very unlucky.  I got to thinking, this is true for most things that cause fear, we don't want to cause a negative or data dump.  Raising kids is similar, many parents are afraid of doing or saying something that will cause a data dump and leave our children rocking in a corner sucking their thumbs.

Truth is, we are built to adapt and to avoid data dumps except in the extreme circumstances. I asked myself, am I afraid to be strong, to have a healthy body, and the answer, in part was yes.  Has it stopped me, no, I went out for the most amazing fall afternoon walk at lunch today.  I know that fear has been part of my weight issues; protecting myself and attempting to become invisible.  When does the fear that I will truly cause damage to my body with me weight come into it? 

In some ways it seems that my emotions hold my body hostage to its fears/paranoia/dysfunction.  The idea of being held hostage by anything is not a pleasant idea.  The idea of freedom is one that is more associated with Passover, but looking at Rosh Hashanah and starting the new year, it does seem appropriate to find a way to throw off some of those fears and dysfunctions. 

One of the things I am doing is telling myself that I am physically strong.  The days that I am tired and can't see myself doing anything, I keep saying, I am strong.  When I do this, I am ready to walk/workout when lunch comes around.  It doesn't mean I'm not tired, but it does mean that I feel the strength coursing through my body giving me what I need to take care of me.  I am strong, and I will get stronger.  This year will be one of physical strength for me. 

Wishing those who celebrate the New Year, may the coming year be sweet and full of laughter.  Shana Tova!

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.
Eleanor Roosevelt