Summer...Finally

Update:

Weight: I did not weight today.  It was very hard!
Net Cal: - 722 cal.  This my 4th day with my caloric intake less than 2000 cal
Exercise: walk the dogs 10 min x2

Update:

Weight: 251.2 lbs
Net Cal: -798 cal
Exercise: walk the dogs 10 min x2

Summer has finally arrived here in the Pacific Northwest.  The sun is out, our temperatures are above 85, yet the fall breeze is present, the leaves are turning color, and the temperature drops at night.  Like our weather, I wonder if I am a bit off and confused.  I wrote earlier this week about changes that are coming.  These changes bring a certain anxiety to go along with them.  We don't know what the homework load will be like for the twins, will the weather hold for their soccer season, and the schedule ahead of us is one with very little space between the letters.  There are also changes at work that are adding to the anxiety, as well as I am working on my own personal changes...it is overwhelming.

Then there is just the life things.  Had a rough evening yesterday; the kids were in rare form with being disrespectful to all those around them.  It made for a very long, very stressful night.  I wanted to binge.  Good news, we didn't have anything in the house for me to binge on.  The urge was so strong that since I couldn't binge, I just broke down and emotionally vacated.  My demons showed up again and it has been a fight to come back again.

So here we are with some beautiful weather, summer is finally here, and I am continuing to struggle.  All my hopes for the summer, gone.  Few actually completed.  Am I disappointed, yes.  There is another summer next year.  A friend of mine put on my facebook wall that I am dedicated.  That helped me realize that , yes, I am to myself.  And to keep that commitment to myself, I keep going.  I pat myself on the back for not binging, for fighting back to the surface, and for finding that the love and dedication I have to myself and my family continues to inspire me to move forward.

Successes: No binging, 5 days with less than 2000 calories
Barriers: Demons, depression