The ups and downs...

Update:

Weight: 252.8 lbs
Net Cal: +30
Waist: 50 in
Exercise: walk the dogs 10 min x2,

Boy, kind of a emotional roller coaster today.  While at work this morning, I had this overwhelming need to cry.  I have to say, I was taken a back by it.  One of my friends says she thinks it may be a combination of stress from being strong and hormonal shifts.  She may be right, I haven't felt like this since I was pregnant.  There may another componant as well, that by working on my weight and making it a daily thought, I am brining up feelings that have been hidden for decades. 

While it is good to know where the feelings originated, it doesn't change the fact that I have to deal with them at this moment.  At this moment I feel like I am coming out of my skin, I'm teary, I don't feel rational, I'm irritable, and I don't recognize this person. 

Being aware of my roller coaster I hope that I will be able to lessen the impact on my emotional state.  Of course I am also concerned on how this state will effect my wife and children.  Again I see a potential for the cycle of shame.  No matter what, I am responsible for my behaivor, good and bad.  So if I am a bitch, then I feel ashamed that I treated my wife, kids, friends, co-workers ect in a bad way.  Then I start to berate myself, the negative talk starts, and then I'm back into not exercising, not watching what I eat, and I will gain the 10 lbs. I have lost plus more.

For today, it is trying to cope with feeling hungry and walking away from the food.

Successes: Walked at lunch, shorts that were tight fit nicely now.
Barriers: Hungry, emotional