Middle of the week

Here we are, its Wednesday.  Half way through the week and it seems to be moving at a good clip.  This time next week, the twins will be 8 years old.  For those who don't know, the twins were born on February 29th, leap day. So if you ask them, they will tell you it is their 2nd birthday, and in some ways they are right :)  When I look at the last 8 years and where we came from and where we are now, it has been an amazing journey. 

It has taken me 8 years to find my way in this world and realize that I am a worth wile being.  I guess 8 years to correct 33 years of damage isn't too bad :) I was speaking with a friend of mine today and she brought up that I am not someone who can fly under the radar.  Now, at 41, that is true, I dress more masculine, wear a kippah, and basically am confident of who I am and I can stay in tune with myself fairly well (though I do have my ostrich moments of burying my head in the sand).  Years of being made fun of and feeling as though I have no worth have made me strong and given me a thick skin.  It is hard to knock me over now. 

I know that I've talked about how I try to fly under the radar, yet I never have gone unnoticed.  I have pushed the boundaries of people's values, ethics, and acceptance.  It kind of hit me, that I have big energy.  I always felt so small and insignificant that I never realized that the energy I put off gets noticed.  When I am confident in myself, I get a lot of comments about how I can bring a calm into a room.  I have always taken that with a grain of salt, but now, I can see if a calm energy walks in, then others may notice.  I in no way want my energy to intrude on anyone, but I am realizing that I get noticed; not just because I am myself, but because my energy says...hey, I'm here in all of my glory!  (ok, I'm fat as well, makes it hard not to notice me ;)

Yet again, the theme of strength has crept into this blog.  Having felt unsafe for so long, being strong is part of keeping me safe; I see them go hand in hand.  So Wednesday is the middle of the week, but is the strongest day of the week, it has to hold up Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday on one side, and Thursday, Friday, and Saturday on the other. 

I wish everyone the strength of finding yourself and being confident in who you are.