I have been stable at 248.4 lbs for several days now. My body is feeling good. I am still tired and drained. I was so tired this morning I took a bath instead of a shower. I was up about 1/2 an hour earlier than usual because of a training that I help teach. By about 7 am, I was feeling more alert and "perky". I usually get up around 6:30 am. I figure, if I had awakened at my usual time, I would have showered and been off with no problems.
I am finding, that when I teach these trainings, I am walking about 1 mile up and down the aisle while I lecture and then for assistance during our hands on sessions. It is not a fast pace, but outside of my normal activity during a "usual" day. Looking for little things that increase my activity really works for me. Activities like, parking further away from the store, taking the stairs, I park on the top floor of my parking structure (only 3 levels) an then walk the parking lot down; all of these are tools that I've used and have helped me become more active.
When you are over 100 lbs overweight, everything is a challenge. I see how lost I've been and how that has added to my weight issues. I look at how just the simple task of carrying groceries up one flight of stairs caused me to become short of breath and sweat, how being able to find the joy and success within me makes my joy and successes even more amazing, and how finding my strength has given me new hope to fill up my reserves so I can keep going instead of getting sick and just collapsing.
I am still approximately 97 lbs from my goal of 155 lbs. I do feel that the weight I have lost is gone for good. I am not bouncing around as much as I was before. I am stabilizing at 248.4 lbs right now and I know that when it is time, my body will begin to loose again. I am working hard at building muscle to help keep my metabolism elevated; muscle weighs more than fat. I also know that my body will retain fluid to keep from any drastic drops in weight. I am eating a more balanced diet (which I'm amazed at what needed to change), and I am more aware of protein vs fat foods.
I am very excited about being able to have enough energy, even when tired, to work on my projects. Kat and I re-organized about 2/3 of the kitchen this past weekend. I am almost finished with a sweater I am crocheting for Abigail (I have a pattern for Kat that I think she will love...shhhhh, don't tell her :) This next weekend will be apple sauce making on Sunday. I don't feel overwhelmed with this. I feel like I can do this and know that I will have enough reserve to keep from getting exhausted or sick.
I do want to look at the Jewish Holy Day that starts tomorrow night with Kol Nidre, the starting of Yom Kippur. This is our day of atonment. A day where Moses returned with the second set of tablets. We participate in fasting and services. There are many smaller customs associated with Yom Kippur as well, if you are interested in learning more about those, please feel free to contact me, I'd be happy to talk w/ you :) With Rosh Hashanah, we welcome in the new year and ask that we be written in to the Book of Life. With Yom Kippur, we look to forgive others and ourselves, to start our new year with a clean slate, with a re-newed enthusiasm, and a new prespective; it is a day where we will be sealed in the Book of Life.
My day of cleansing is near. I look to those whom I have wronged and ask forgiveness. I look to myself and say, forgive, to err is human. I look to those I feel wronged by and say, I forgive. I look to God to provide me with the wisdom and strength to accomplish all of this and move forward to with a new outlook on life, relationships, and our world.
For those who celebrate, G'mar Tov!
Yes, I am focusing much on strength right now, I feel this is where my mind, body, and heart are. I am a strong woman, but now my body needs to believe this. I feel I must complete this developmental stage to move beyond.
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